I Went to the Movies to Escape.

I had mentioned, at one point, that I had started reading Julie and Julia and that I was so taken by the book that I decided to start this blog. I have nearly finished the book yet the movie came out today. I wanted to sit back, watch and take it in.

It was a lovely story that hit home. Well, actually it didn't really hit home, it was more like a foul ball, but I could identify with the character. She felt as if she was drowning in her life. She sat in a cubicle answering a phone without the ability to make differences. She felt she needed purpose. I feel similar feelings for different reasons. I definitely feel like I'm drowning in my life at times. I realize that I have a good life and I'm much better off than many others, however I don't laugh as much as I used to and I hear that I don't smile as much either.

At times I feel like I'm drowning in limitations, small and large and the fatigue. I have to use my wheeled walker when walking through the house in order to avoid clinging to doorways and because it very difficult to carry and walk. I walk without it but it I have to consintrate on my footing. (my waitressing days are over!) I don't ride my bike vary far. I may ride it short distances in the neighborhood but not near traffic. If I fall at the wrong time it could be bad. A wrist still hurts and my thighs are spotted with bruises from the last ride and fall. (Falling is for kids, they get up easier.) Walking around the neighborhood with my walker is exhausting, but I like to run into neighbors and look at gardens. Fatigue is a limitaion that drives me nuts. I've decided to cut back on the gym. I'm going to go three days a week instead of five. After the gym I have little energy to do what needs to be done and then there's nothing left for the things I really enjoy. It has started to effect my writing, reading, and card making. I know that sounds like fluff, but if you can't have fun you are no fun.

So, anyway, the movie had a delightful ending which sent me into deep thought during my drive home. If my blog is read by someone or affects someone that would surely make me smile. I've heard from a few people and was surprised at their reactions. I smile now just because the writing makes me feel good. To tell my story in short stories is important to me for some reason. Mostly I hope that someone can identify with me and that some day in the future my kids will be interested in their mom. I would love to be able to read about my mom.

I don't mean to sound pitiful yet, I need to find happiness, I know it's around me. I need to get to those projects that give me pleasure and to see the pleasures in each day. The days are physically challenging but I have to get past that. It's just apart of my life. (When I say I'm hanging in there, I really am. I don't just fall off bikes. It's sort of like living in the fun house.)

So instead of escaping at the movies I was driven to keep trying. I'm trying to have a purpose of some kind.