Yes I belong to AA. Many of my friends and family were surprised because I believe that most people think an alcoholic is someone you find sitting on the curb drinking out of a paper bag, or who is constantly drunk.
I didn't fit that category. I fit a more common category. I had been drinking a couple classes of wine each and every night for years. Then around the age of 40 I found myself looking forward to that wine around dinner time, then around lunch I was already thinking about it. I also found that when on medication my first reaction was to see if I could drink. Now these glasses of wine were not like the ones you pay a bottle's price for in a restaurant, they were full.
I was finding difficulties with my legs and had started looking from doctor to doctor to find out what the heck was going on. In the mean time there was nothing like disappearing with the wine at night.
Some time before my diagnosis with SP, my folks bought a condo just two miles away. The object was for them to be close so that I could help Mom with Dad who was suffering with Alzheimer's. Actually the family suffers too. Well, during the move, Mom wasn't feeling well and after seeing a couple doctors she was quickly diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. "God won't give you any more than you can handle." Bull Crap!! You just have to handle it. And the wine felt good.
So I believe that while Mom and Dad were sick and my health was still being determined, I found a comfortable place to go with the help of a couple/few tall glasses of wine. As the years pasted Bob voiced his concern over my drinking. I would tell him that I'd only drink on the weekends, but I couldn't do it. No way!
I didn't fit that category. I fit a more common category. I had been drinking a couple classes of wine each and every night for years. Then around the age of 40 I found myself looking forward to that wine around dinner time, then around lunch I was already thinking about it. I also found that when on medication my first reaction was to see if I could drink. Now these glasses of wine were not like the ones you pay a bottle's price for in a restaurant, they were full.
I was finding difficulties with my legs and had started looking from doctor to doctor to find out what the heck was going on. In the mean time there was nothing like disappearing with the wine at night.
Some time before my diagnosis with SP, my folks bought a condo just two miles away. The object was for them to be close so that I could help Mom with Dad who was suffering with Alzheimer's. Actually the family suffers too. Well, during the move, Mom wasn't feeling well and after seeing a couple doctors she was quickly diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. "God won't give you any more than you can handle." Bull Crap!! You just have to handle it. And the wine felt good.
So I believe that while Mom and Dad were sick and my health was still being determined, I found a comfortable place to go with the help of a couple/few tall glasses of wine. As the years pasted Bob voiced his concern over my drinking. I would tell him that I'd only drink on the weekends, but I couldn't do it. No way!
Dad passed in 2000 and then years and bottles later Mom passed in 2007. By then I was keeping a bottle of Vodka above the fridge, not hard to get to when you're tall, a bottle of sherry down in my craft area, and a few bottles of red in the bar.
While taking the condo apart and organizing all Mom's belongings for charities, drinks in the afternoon were comforting. After all was given away, and sold I continued the habit of having a few during the day. By this time my legs were showing full blown signs of the SP and taking antidepressants and Valium added to the side effects of drinking, still I drank.
One evening I was fed up with my own behavior and found myself at a friend's house, a friend who belonged to AA. That night was my first meeting. I lasted less than a year. I figured that I could handle it and drink wisely. Alcoholism doesn't work that way, it's like an old friend you haven't seen in years. All of a sudden you find yourself comfortable and the old habits come back fast.
Some months later I found myself sitting at a meeting. I was greeted with smiling faces and happy hello's. However when it was my turn to talk I cried a bit and spilled my guts. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. Once home Bob and I talked. I told him were the bottles were and he poured them out. After that I went to a meeting every night for a couple of months, then five meetings a week, then three, now two.
S0, there it is. I no longer think about drinking at lunch or dinner, and I don' want it at night. I'd fallen off the wagon since, but climbed back on. I found it a learning experience and I wasn't alone. So, I have phone numbers in my cell and when I'm out of town or having a problem I'm going to call someone. I also have an AA book of meetings in my glove box when out of town I could call the 800 number to find a meeting, if needed.
I'm doing well. I can't say that I don't think about it. When I watch movies and there is drinking, I find myself thinking of that drink, but it goes away. I don't go to bars to hear music with Bob, it's just too much. I'm glad he has band friends that can go with him.
However I have a problem with AA, I wish that it wasn't so God oriented. You'd have to know the 12 steps but there is God, "or the God of your own making" in nearly all the steps. I no longer hide my feelings about it. I can't. Perhaps that's why I only go to two meetings a week now. Yes, I feel empowered to stay in control and to know that I'm not alone, but I don't go to church and sometimes when I'm there I feel like I'm in church. The meetings are ended with a prayer. I don't say it, it would be hypocritical. I do like the Serenity Prayer, only I drop the God.
In regards to my experiences with drinking I hope this was, or may be helpful to someone, some where. I'm glad I wrote it down but I found it made me feel a bit off, depressed. (I need a movie)
7:50 p.m.
While taking the condo apart and organizing all Mom's belongings for charities, drinks in the afternoon were comforting. After all was given away, and sold I continued the habit of having a few during the day. By this time my legs were showing full blown signs of the SP and taking antidepressants and Valium added to the side effects of drinking, still I drank.
One evening I was fed up with my own behavior and found myself at a friend's house, a friend who belonged to AA. That night was my first meeting. I lasted less than a year. I figured that I could handle it and drink wisely. Alcoholism doesn't work that way, it's like an old friend you haven't seen in years. All of a sudden you find yourself comfortable and the old habits come back fast.
Some months later I found myself sitting at a meeting. I was greeted with smiling faces and happy hello's. However when it was my turn to talk I cried a bit and spilled my guts. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. Once home Bob and I talked. I told him were the bottles were and he poured them out. After that I went to a meeting every night for a couple of months, then five meetings a week, then three, now two.
S0, there it is. I no longer think about drinking at lunch or dinner, and I don' want it at night. I'd fallen off the wagon since, but climbed back on. I found it a learning experience and I wasn't alone. So, I have phone numbers in my cell and when I'm out of town or having a problem I'm going to call someone. I also have an AA book of meetings in my glove box when out of town I could call the 800 number to find a meeting, if needed.
I'm doing well. I can't say that I don't think about it. When I watch movies and there is drinking, I find myself thinking of that drink, but it goes away. I don't go to bars to hear music with Bob, it's just too much. I'm glad he has band friends that can go with him.
However I have a problem with AA, I wish that it wasn't so God oriented. You'd have to know the 12 steps but there is God, "or the God of your own making" in nearly all the steps. I no longer hide my feelings about it. I can't. Perhaps that's why I only go to two meetings a week now. Yes, I feel empowered to stay in control and to know that I'm not alone, but I don't go to church and sometimes when I'm there I feel like I'm in church. The meetings are ended with a prayer. I don't say it, it would be hypocritical. I do like the Serenity Prayer, only I drop the God.
In regards to my experiences with drinking I hope this was, or may be helpful to someone, some where. I'm glad I wrote it down but I found it made me feel a bit off, depressed. (I need a movie)
7:50 p.m.
I just wondered, what is the problem with the idea of God? Is the thought of a higher power scary or something? I myself find it so comforting. To be loved unconditionally and forgiven for all the stupid mistakes I make means a lot to me. I know that it is true that people with health issues that pray are more likely to be healed and do much better than someone who does not pray or have some kind of faith. Maybe you have some hurts that need to be resolved? I dont want to offend you, but I would automatically pray for you anyway.I'm just used to praying for people who seem to need it. My heart goes out to you, maybe because of my own dealing with alcoholism in the alcohol-related death of my beloved brother two years ago, and in the health issues I have dealt with in my middle daughter who has hemi-atrophy caused by klippel trenaunay syndrome. Now one of my twin girls is showing some signs of it too. I think at some time we all need some help from a higer power. Even if you dont believe in God, he surely believes in you. I wish you well no matter what.
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