Somedays...................

Some days suck when nothing goes wrong. Today was sucky but everything went smoothly. I went to the gym, had my hair done, went to the C.U., Meijer's, the Post Office, and the grain elevator.

So, why was it sucky? Because while dragging my feet, as I tried to pick them up, I lost one of the leather pieces from the bottom of my sneaker, the car key is stuck in the ignition so I have to go to the dealer tomorrow, and I'm tired of trying to walk normal. It's not working and I've had enough.

I just finished an essay for my writer's group and I'm going to slip into something soft and fluffy and chill out for the next two or so hours.

I try not to complain but this Spastic Paraplegia can be a pain in the..... (Place where ever you like!)

9:25 p.m.

One Day at a Time

I can remember waking up, climbing out of bed, throwing on my robe, getting the kids organized and heading for the kitchen. That sure feels like a long time ago and it was. The 'kids' are now 20 and 23, so I haven't had to get them organized in quiet sometime. However, it's been years now since I've been able to just climb out of bed and head to the kitchen.

It's been about 15 years since I started having difficulties walking. It was simply scuffing once in a while, then after a time I was not scuffing once in a while. Well, all the rest is history. I use my walker through out the house and also have to leave my shoes on to walk. (That used to be a no-no.) When I'm feeling suborn I walk without the walker and find myself grabbing onto furniture and door frames, much to my frustration.

My morning usually begin about a half hour or so after Bob leaves. I turn on GMA for a bit. I know that I'm headed for the gym, so after thinking my other plans for the day I swing my legs out and carefully walk to the bathroom. I shower at night because morning showers fatigue me, so I dress for the gym, put on my sneakers, make the bed, grab the walker, and head for the kitchen. (If the kids aren't on their way to work or class, their in bed.)

I sometimes find myself getting a bit frustrated at breakfast. Now, I shouldn't complain because I don't really have it that bad, but grasping at counter tops, balancing while reaching in the fridge, and concentrating while carrying my oatmeal bugs me a bit!

After applying my war paint, fluffing the hair, and packing my clothes in the gym bag, I head to the garage. Getting out to the car with my purse and gym bag is sort of like being in the fun house. Descending the steps while closing and locking the door with one hand and holding everything else in the other, is a balancing act. I keep a cane in the car so my right hand is free. I carefully walk, stepping down again, and touching a metal shelving unit for balance. When I had the van I always bumped the hanging garden tools with my gym bag as I open the doors and put items inside. Now I drive a car and have more room to move without hearing the chiming of the garden tools. Once seated I feel and a sense of control and safety, no more holding on or dropping things. Yes, I'm in a car headed for the road, but I feel saver than moments ago.

At the gym my trainer is an angel and looks out for me. She's near me for difficulty with balance and she gets all the equipment we need. However, that's two days a week, the other days I do my best not to bump into things. When working with weights I have to carry them to where I'm working. I usually do pretty good on my own. A few regulars help out with out being asked. They're great guys. I'm sure some wonder if I'd be offended by asking, other's just don't see me. It's obvious when I have to excuse myself in order to get around them. (meat heads)

This my day, at the gym, home, store, where ever. Some mornings I'm not so anxious to jump, so to speak, out of bed. Some mornings I have to talk myself into it. I discovered a movie that I've seen many times already. It's called Sunshine Cleaning with Amy Adams, Emily Blunt, and Allan Arken. She, Amy Adams, doesn't have a disability, but has to deal with some hurdles in her life. I like it because she starts her days telling herself that she is strong and she can do it.

On my mirror I have a piece of paper that says, 'Once day at a time.' It's not for AA, it's just for getting through each day and feeling that I have some power over that day.

9:00 p.m.

Life and what I Really want to Do.

It's hard to believe that it's March already. My last entry was in January! I had intended to be more active with this blog, however life sort of took over. Now, what does that mean exactly. Has life taken over or have I neglected to engage in the activities I enjoy. I go to the gym each morning, then Meijers once or twice a week, and then the usual laundry, cleaning, and on those days when I work out and go to Meijers, I have to nap. Then there's dinner and clean up and before I know it it's seven or so and my writing thoughts start to diminish.

During the day I think of things that I may make a good essay, but to get to the computer and not do other things has become more difficult. I'll have to have a talk with myself. Life is short and unpredictable and I don't wish to go out having done the same old things day in and day out when I have a desire to do something else. It would be different if I didn't have the time, but I do, I just don't manage it well. As my mom had said, "No one notices house work unless you don't do it." I have to admit that sometimes it's just the same thing each week. We can all relate to that in some way.

8:15 p.m.

Getting Up From the Floor

If anyone with spastic paraplegia, or another leg difficulty happens upon this, they'll understand completely what I'm referring to. I'm 5'10 so I have no problem reaching items that are stored up in the cupboards. Actually I'm unable to hide items from myself, like chocolate. I know it's there and I can reach it. However, there are several items I use frequently and are down near the floor. All the way down past my knees, past the point of unaided return. It depends on the day, some days I'm able to retain good positioning and just push up. Thank goodness I'm flexible, my hands stay on the floor to help. However, there are those other days. Perhaps I had done too much on the treadmill or a great deal of walking else were. In any case I become stuck. I find myself down on my butt working to get my legs under me while reaching for the counter or perhaps working my way over to the walker for assistance. (I love M.P. and liked that they were down on their fanies.)

Is exercise causing the weakness or progression? Most likely it's a combination of the two. At the gym, when I have to come up from the floor, my trainer will offer her arm. I seldom take it, explaining that I can do it, she high fives me once I'm up and steady.

Sometimes being down on the floor isn't only physical but mental. Some days the shuffling and stumble will send me down. That's when I have to figure out how to handle it. It often occurs as dinner time approaches and I haven't many choice but to 'soldier on'. That's when I often put in a favorite DVD to help me escape while preparing supper.

One time, recently, I called my closest friend who lives six hours away. I was on the verge of tears and she listened. As I talked I started joking. Her laughter was lovely. Her friendship is precious. She's great medicine. I'll be calling again.






Actually I'm planning a trip to Scotland and England with my friend next summer. We're looking to visit Edinburgh, York, and then London! I'm excited and intimidated at the same time. Yes, it's all about the legs. I plan to call her in hopes to arrange a visit this spring. That way we can have a good talk. She wants to go. I just want to make sure she's cool with everything.

As I wrote that last sentence it sounded silly. Yet it's easier to be on the 'helping and working with' side of a situation than the 'needing and hoping everyone's happy' side. I'm sure someone out there understands.



6:00 p.m.

I'm Back, from now where.

Well, I'm not sure who looks at these, besides some family, and by now they may have given up. It's just been hard to write during the holidays. I usually find myself distracted by all that I choose to do. I wrote an essay for the writing group last week for the first time since Halloween. It was great fun using the thesaurus and dictionary.


I made a new purchase just the other week. I had been looking at this book for sometime at Borders but at $45.00 I wasn't picking it up in a hurry, until one day I received a 33% off coupon from Borders on line. Now its mine! Yes, the Chambers Dictionary of Etymology is all mine. Pardon? What is Etymology? Well, to word geeks like me it's one of the most fun books around. Etymology is the study of the origin and development of words. This book contains over 30,000 words. For example, the other night I just flipped to a page to learn about a word.





"aback adv. Probably before 1200, developed from old English (11th century) toward the back.
The idiom taken aback was originally a nautical term meaning caught by a bead wind that presses the sails back against the mast. The figurative sense "caught suddenly by surprise" appeared in 1840 in Hood's Up the Rhine."

Now this is probably dull and boring to many but..........I love it. I'm also looking into the black plague and the Great fire of London while finishing up The Blind Side.


The Blind Side was a great feel good movie, true story and all, but the book isn't a story as the movie is. It's more of a lesson on football and the evolution of the game and the positions played and the how the game changed in the '80s from a lot of running to more passing. I'm hoping to go into the '10 season with some knowledge under my belt.


Well, that was eclectic. (I like eclectic)

7:30 p.m.

Shopping with Uncooperative Legs

Tuesday the 24th of November I had intended to go to the gym and then to Meijers and Target. I had been to the gym just the day before and felt good and sore for it. I was prepared to head out, had my gym bag packed, and the list in my purse. Fortunately common sense hit me as I reached for my jacket on my way out. "You must be daft!" I thought to myself. I going to the gym to work my butt and belly off and then plan to wade through pre-Thanksgiving crowds. I grabbed my gym bag, changed, and headed to Meijer's.

Holy Toledo was it crowded. When buying produce you can only buy so far ahead. As I hit each section of the store I checked my list to make sure that I hadn't missed anything. I had hoped to avoid roaming back and forth. Needless to say I missed a few things and did a bit of roaming despite my efforts.

Patience is a virtue and its also a necessity when shopping with most of the population. However fatigue can cause involuntary patience. Every isle was crowed. I waited until someone realized they had blocked traffic and then plodded along. Others had no clue who was around them, an excuse me and a smile usually worked, bumping into them and then apologizing was only a thought.

So, I waited and worked my way along to the front of the store and to the registers. Yet, the door far away and the car further yet. Often the person at the register will ask if the bags are too heavy. No, I say as I lift the beer to another area of the cart with one hand. The arms are stronger but the legs are weaker. Once at the van I easily put the bags, beer, and soda in the van and then maneuvered awkwardly around the van to put the cart away.

Target wasn't bad, short list. However it's still a big store. Once back in the

van with a plastic bag I was ready for home and a nap. Bob unloaded the van and helped put things away. When he's there to do that it's wonderful! Alone, I've had to put cold stuff away and then come back to load the pantry after a rest. It's not fun coming into a room with stuff that needs to be put away. (Thanks Bob!)

My next plan was to sit down at the computer and write about this.

I took a nap instead.

3:40 P.M.

Thank goodness for t.v. in resturants

I know it's been a long time since I've blogged but, when Autumn hits life get busy for me.

My husband had the day off today, so after I came home from the gym we headed out to lunch. We went to a place we hadn't visited before. I notice a few large flat t.v. screens but focused on choosing lunch. I was starved. Lunch was served and as I ate I noticed that Bob was watching something rather closely. I asked about it and he said, "It's a shuttle launch." I spun around and watched. Noticing the count down I turned around ready to say "What the Hell is wrong with you???? Why didn't you tell me! I haven't seen a launch in years!" Actually I said, "Wow, this is great." I remained turned toward the screen while it safely BLASTED off and then watched the solid rocket boosters detached. I ate a bit and then turned, waited and watched the external tank detach. I don't remember at what time period it rotated, but that was SO COOL.

I was leaning out of our booth with my hand up to my chest saying things like, there they go, wow that's so cool, and other nerdy things. At one point Bob told me to eat my lunch, or something like that. I continued to watch.

We had a really nice lunch together and enjoyed each others company, but I have to tell you watching the launch was as good as desert.

My cousin works at NASA and I just finished writing her an enthusiastic email.


OH! The Leonid show is coming up in a couple nights. Hope the skies are clear.

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Tonight The Big Bang is on.

8:30 p.m.